The bowels of the jail

Yes, this is about your bowels.  It's not something I care to discuss, but during your stay at the Ingham County Jail, you will spend more time contemplating your digestive tract than you ever did at summer camp. Your fellow inmates will try to emit the loudest farts ever heard. They will celebrate when they can let loose the smelliest farts. They will walk over to the door of the next dorm and fart into their space.

Over and over again, guys will let loose a fart, and everyone will laugh as if it's the most original joke anyone ever told.

And you'll become obsessed with your bowels. There's something about jail food that causes constipation. You may go a day or two without a bowel movement. You will find yourself discussing your bowels more than the oldest geezer at the old folks' home.

There. I said it. It's not my favorite subject. I can't explain it -- it just is what it is.