Monday, October 6, 2008

The guards; some are decent; some are assholes

You have to wonder who decides to go into this line of work. Who wants to be a jail guard? (According to one rumor, at least one female guard is a former stripper.  I wonder what changed her career counselor's mind?)

It turns out only a fraction of the guards are assholes. My estimate is that about 1/4 of the guards qualify.

So that means 3/4 are pretty decent folks. They have a day job, just as you once did. They go about their daily rounds. Their work day is pretty busy, actually. As I think about it, they not only face a busy day, they also must deal with misfits, miscreants, and criminals.  

Yet the good guards are civil. They answer questions. If you are in an unsentenced dorm -- that is, if you have television -- they patiently ask you and your fellow inmates what channel you want to watch.  If you ask a question, they don't ridicule your or put you down; they answer it if they can. In general, the good guards seem to actually care about the inmates.  And no, the decent guards are not lax about the rules.

As to the assholes:
  • I really wanted not to name names, but this guy is so famously a jerk. Everyone knows how angry he is, though we don't know why for sure. Ask him a polite question -- do you think MSU will beat Ohio State in the football game? -- and he will say "I don't give a flying fuck." The rumor is his wife left him for another woman. Should I name him?
  • One female guard is a real bitch. Another female guard who looks a lot like her is much nicer.  At first you think that one guard is bipolar because her mood varies so much.  Then you realize that these are two women -- sisters. It is a genetic conundrum. The bitch is just totally full of hostility. You wonder who shit on her cereal each morning. She just exudes anger for no reason at all, whether it's about changing the television channel, or the weather, or whatever. You honestly wonder why this woman is so full of hatred. Listen, bitch, we all breathe the same air.
  • The deaf lady. OK, she is half an asshole. Wait a minute, I'm not sure what that means. Hmmm. She actually is a pretty sweet older lady, but she can't hear, and this makes her frustrated. Her hearing aids don't do the trick, and she takes her frustration out on the inmates.
  • Then there's the drunk.  One female guard comes to work drunk, and drinks during her shift.  You can smell vodka on her breath, despite the masking perfume.  And she's a mean drunk, so by the end of her shift, she's joined the ranks of the assholes.
I don't mean to pick on women here.  The first guard I described, a male, displays much more hostility than the others combined.  

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